Updated: Dec 3, 2021
#BlackLove is freedom and peace. #BlackLove for me cannot be an act or a façade. Personally, I know spiritual and romantic love cannot be faked. It has to be true and authentic. However, #BlackLove can be a little triggering for me because when I look out to the media and the relationships that I have seen first-hand, it makes me wonder: how can I challenge what I have been told experiencing love as a Black woman is. Focusing, specifically on romantic Black Love--as I look deeper I know I need freedom and liberation.
I am always watching or listening to something so, it only feels right I mention media. The primary images shared on social can be a little bothersome and in my experience does not look like me, physically and spiritually. If we are discussing television or film, commonly Black Love is shown with a lot of suffering. We see this in real life too; media is only a mirror that looks back at us. Letting people share their experiences is still traumatic, but because we are in a very visual-driven society, we make everything look like goals. And our grandparents did it and the generations prior, so playing into the popular idea of what Black Love looks like is nothing new. Black people have really suffered, so we deserve good love! But, as far as performing that is just a mask I cannot wear. So, I understand in order to form my own ideas of what romantic love is I have to shift my mindset and challenge what it is I see as love. Spiritually, I have found myself ripping away from what people tell me love is.
My first real relationship as an adult has mainly consisted of a lot of challenging what Black Love looks like. When I first got into my relationship, I found the things people said or told me I should be doing, troubling. I really struggled with my idea of how I thought I suppose to be and found myself depressed because it felt like I was doing everything wrong. What I was supposed to do as a partner seemed unnatural to how I was wired. And the sad thing is I am with a really understanding and good man. I come from a Muslim and Christian background, so there are a lot of cross-cultural Black identity things I have always struggled with, but specifically, in my relationship, I have to continuously work on what I feel is love. If you ask my partner, he will say it’s different and can be really challenging. And I completely agree because he’s found himself at the center of my discovery and enlightenment.